It’s the Holiday Season. When I think about the Holidays I immediately think about seeing family members and friends, warm drinks, baking sweet treats, eating too much food, celebrating accomplishments and of course the inevitable drama. Whether the “drama” comes from being around the people you love the most too much, unwanted discussions of politics, changes to traditions or even burning the pumpkin pie, the Holidays can be exhausting. Below you can find some tips for staying well during this season.
Self-awareness
During the holidays we can often be overwhelmed with the expectations of others, social obligations, pressures of traditions or even fitting everything into the timeframe we have available. Being “self-aware” can at times be one of the most powerful skills for counteracting these experiences. At the most basic level, self-awareness simply means understanding one's own thoughts, feelings/emotions, behaviors, and the impact these may have on others. When we are self-aware, we act with a level of “consciousness.” This consciousness helps us to understand how we may react in certain situations, what type of socializing we can or cannot handle, what our current emotional state is and how that may impact our interactions with other people.
When we engage with self-awareness, we have the potential for better decision making, improved emotion regulation, increased sense of confidence and self-esteem, reduced stress, enhanced relationships and the ability for growth and connection. When it comes to situations where we may find ourselves being easily burnt out, frustrated or irritable - like, during the holiday season - being self-aware is key to establishing boundaries and practicing effective coping skills (see some example coping skills below). In short, self-awareness during the holidays enables you to navigate the season with more mindfulness, joy, fulfillment, balance, and connection.
Communication is Key!!
Once we understand our own emotions through self-awareness, the next step is to be able to communicate our feelings, needs and boundaries assertively.
Assertive communication looks like:
Be Clear and Direct: Be open about your feelings, your needs, and your boundaries. Don’t leave things to assumptions or guesses.
Practice Active Listening: Ensure you are truly listening to what others are saying, and give them space to express their thoughts and feelings.
Stay Calm in Conflict: Disagreements are natural, but handling them with patience and respect is essential for maintaining healthy relationships.
Set Boundaries: It’s okay to say no, whether it's about attending every event or taking on too many responsibilities. Your mental and emotional well-being is a priority.
A great way to put all of this together is through the use of “I” statements. Instead of saying “You always…” or “You never...,” frame things from your perspective by saying, “I feel…” This can help prevent defensiveness and open up a more constructive conversation. A common frame for “I” statements is:
“I feel ________ when ________ because (of)_______. What I need from you is/instead ________.”
Gratitude for the Attitude.
Even if we have self-awareness and communicate assertively, sometimes we just don’t feel great or up to the holiday cheer that may be surrounding us. When this happens, it can be helpful to practice self-compassion… yep, saying nice things about yourself and giving yourself the space to just not be okay. Understanding that as humans, we just might not always have the happy, holly-jolly spirit, is okay. If it starts to feel like that attitude is just not ever going to go away, well, it might be helpful to try some coping skills and strategies.
Gratitude:
Practicing gratitude means intentionally focusing on things in your life and expressing appreciation for those things. Gratitude begins with noticing the good or positive things/people/events in your life. It’s about shifting your focus away from what's lacking or negative and putting attention on what you have. You can practice gratitude for something as small as the cup of coffee you enjoyed with breakfast to as big as waking up with air in your lungs. Gratitude can be a coping skill for anxiety, depression, low mood, and many other things as it is helpful in promoting a positive feedback loop, developing resiliency and can provide a sense of purpose and hope.
Mindfulness:
Mindfulness is the practice of present moment awareness without judgment. Mindfulness can involve paying attention to things going on inside of your body or outside of “you” in the environment. Mindfulness has many benefits, including enhanced attention and concentration, improved ability to regulate emotions and maybe the most important one, reduced stress. Some different ways of practicing mindfulness are as follows:
Breathing: We always have our breath. Practicing breathing for mindfulness can be a good skill to turn to if you are having a hard time remembering any other coping skills. Focusing on each inhale and exhale helps to calm the mind and bring our attention away from distractions. You can practice mindful breathing by simply taking deep, slow breaths and observing the sensation of air entering and leaving your body
Body scan: A body scan is a practice where you focus your attention on different parts of your body, from your toes to your head, noticing any sensations, tension, or areas of discomfort. This practice can help you become more aware of how your body feels and allow you to release tension and relax. By scanning your body with mindfulness, you’re not trying to change anything, just observing and accepting what you feel. (Want to do a two-for-one? Add in a word of gratitude for each body part and the job it does!)
Meditation: Meditation is the more “formal” practice of mindfulness. Meditation
involves all of the body systems and senses, requires focused attention, non-judgmental self-awareness, acceptance, and present moment awareness. To practice mindfulness meditation, you can sit comfortably in a quiet space and focus on a specific mantra (I am good..I am calm..etc). As distractions or thoughts come up, simply acknowledge them and return to the present, to the mantra.
The holiday season can bring both joy and stress, both of which are normal during this season - even Hallmark movies have sadness! By practicing self-awareness, effective communication, gratitude, and mindfulness, we can navigate these emotions with greater ease. Self-awareness helps us recognize our emotions and set boundaries, while assertive communication fosters healthier relationships. Gratitude shifts our focus to the positive, and mindfulness keeps us grounded in the present moment, reducing stress. It’s okay not to feel cheerful all the time, and practicing self-compassion is key. By incorporating these practices, we can enjoy a more balanced, meaningful holiday season focused on connection and personal well-being.
References:
Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: An experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84(2), 377-389.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1990). Full Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain, and Illness. Delta Publishing.
Psychology Today (2020). The Science of Gratitude. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/gratitude
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