Combatting Loneliness in February
- Jenny Smith
- 6 hours ago
- 3 min read
The February Loneliness Effect
February can intensify loneliness for several different reasons: shorter days, cold and dreary weather, post-holiday blues, and Valentine’s Day messaging. It’s easy to get stuck in social media comparison - we often assume others are more connected than they really are. It’s important to remember that loneliness is not a personal failure; it’s a sign we need human connection. Reframe it: loneliness is information, not a value of your worth.
1. Differentiate loneliness from being alone
Being alone = physical state
Loneliness = emotional state
It’s possible to feel lonely in a crowd and peaceful by yourself
The goal is not constant social activity — it’s about meaningful connection with others.
Ask yourself: What kind of connection am I actually missing?
2. Focus on micro-connections (they count)
We often think connection has to be big or substantial, but it can show up in lots of different ways:
Brief conversations with community members, coworkers or neighbors
Texting one person instead of scrolling
Commenting thoughtfully instead of passively consuming social media
Micro-moments of connection help to regulate the nervous system. These small social interactions accumulate and can have a positive emotional impact.
3. Create intentional structure for connection
Loneliness worsens when connection is left to chance, so it is important to be intentional:
Schedule at least one social interaction per week
Join something structured: classes, clubs, volunteer groups, faith or hobby communities
Reconnect with low-stakes relationships
If energy is low, try “body doubling” or shared activity instead of deep conversation.
Connection is a habit, not a personality trait.
4. Work with social anxiety or avoidance
Loneliness often coexists with a fear of rejection. Avoidance temporarily protects us, but can increase loneliness in the long-term. Waiting to “feel ready” keeps people stuck, there is never going to be the “perfect time”.
instead of avoiding interactions, start with:
Low-stakes exposure
Short interactions
Clear exit plans
Practicing discomfort, not perfection (I promise, it gets easier the more you do it.)
Confidence follows action, not the other way around.
5. Strengthen self-connection
Loneliness isn’t only about other people. We have to learn how to connect with ourselves to be able to better enjoy the time we have connecting with others.
Ways to self-connect can include some of the following:
Journaling or voice notes to process feelings
Creative outlets that are meaningful to us
Movement and sensory regulation
Time in nature
Meaningful solo rituals
A secure relationship with yourself buffers loneliness.
6. Reduce passive consumption
Excessive scrolling mimics connection without truly fulfilling it. Social media is really “empty calories” for connection.
There is a big difference between observing others vs engaging. This can feel safer in the moment, but is isolating in reality.
Try setting gentle boundaries around passive screen time
7. Reframe Valentine’s Day messaging
February marketing can trigger shame narratives for a lot of us.
Remind yourself:
Romantic love is only ONE form of connection, not the highest form
Friendship and community protect our mental health and need for connection just as much
Self-compassion is relational health turned inward
Worth is not measured by relationship status.
8. Encourage compassionate self-talk
It’s easy to internalize harsh beliefs when we’re feeling lonely:
“Something is wrong with me”, “Everyone else has people”, “I will always be alone.”
We can challenge these beliefs by:
Naming loneliness using self-compassion rather than self-attacks
Treating it like a weather pattern or a season, not your entire identity
“I’m feeling lonely” is different from “I am unlovable."
9. Emphasize gradual change
Loneliness improves through repeated small actions. Connection muscles rebuild slowly and can take some practice. Progress is showing up, not instant closeness.
Jenny Smith, EdS, LCSW-S
Jenny currently works with adult clients (age 18+) on issues ranging from life phase adjustment and transitions, to anxiety based disorders, trauma, grief and loss, and finding new ways of coping and moving forward from past challenges and difficulties. Jenny helps clients identify the ways they want to grow in their own life, find their strengths, and work to change patterns of behavior that are no longer working for them.
