Setting Realistic Goals for Mental Health

Here we go… again! 

We made it; another year down. The holidays are behind us, the decorations are down, routines are creeping back in, and many of us are left wondering what we want this year to look like. For some people, this time of year brings reflection, mixed emotions, and maybe even a little pressure to “do better” than last year. It’s common to feel like we need to give more to avoid ruts we have fallen into in the past. 

This time of the year sometimes makes us feel like it’s time to "fix ourselves." Sometimes it happens more often than not. And yet, we somehow feel like we fall short over and over again. Are you over that? Read along! Today, we’re taking a different approach: setting realistic mental health goals that actually support you, rather than spinning your wheels in the muck of unhelpful pressure and ungrounded expectations.

Why setting mental health goals feels so hard

We have been conditioned to set strict timelines and all-or-nothing thinking when it comes to goals. We often lump productivity goals and mental health goals together. The thing is, mental health doesn’t respond to calendars. Well-being is shaped by stress, relationships, finances, nervous system overload, biology, and even genetics. None of that magically resets on January 1st. In fact, your well-being likely doesn’t care what day it is. 

As a therapist, I hear the “shoulds” all the time. You know, the little voice that says, “I should be doing more, I should be better, I should… blah blah blah.”  Usually those "shoulds" leave people feeling frustrated and confused when they don't actually make things better. 

Feeling that deep exhaustion while trying to set goals doesn’t mean you’re failing. It might even mean your body is asking for something else, maybe a nap, maybe a slower pace, or something totally different. 

Research from Neff & Germer (2013) suggests interventions that focus on small, achievable steps, self-compassion, and flexibility are more likely to succeed and protect mental health than those that emphasize perfection or drastic change.

Plot twist: the answer isn’t always about the answer

Before setting goals, it is helpful to pause and reflect… (Cue the sighs). Setting realistic goals starts with noticing and not analyzing or fixing. (If you have been to therapy before, this is not the first time you’ve heard this). Here are some questions that may help out with this:

• What drained me last year?

• When I think about what drained me, where can I locate that feeling?

• When did I feel calm, safe, or like myself last year? If not, when was the last time I felt like this?

• How does my body react when I think about setting goals?

If you feel uncertainty about this, that’s totally okay! We’re not looking for clear responses. We are attuning, listening, and deciding where to begin.

Your body has been keeping score (even if you weren’t)

Mental health lives in your body, your mind, and your daily life. Whether you notice it or not, our feelings show up physically—often showing up before we have conscious awareness of them.  Even if you ignore it, your body keeps track: fatigue, tension, restless nights, having a hard time turning off your brain…. Yep, all notes from your nervous system. Here’s the good news: you can start listening to these cues. A little awareness goes a long way. 

Research shows that having awareness of your body cues can help you feel a little more in control when life throws you lemons… or boulders. I call this “noticing and naming.” This can be as simple as noticing your breath, locating tension, or any other shifts in your body.

So how does this tie into goal setting? Setting realistic goals starts with noticing how your body feels and actually listening to it instead of immediately judging it. When you pay attention, it becomes more clear what is manageable and what’s too much right now. Goals built this way tend to last longer and are less likely to leave you burned out.

The exception

Sometimes, depression or other mental health challenges can make your body send mixed signals. Maybe you feel like you should move or do something productive, but your body wants to sit and do absolutely nothing. Or maybe the opposite: you feel restless but exhausted. That’s probably a signal that your nervous system and emotions might need extra support. If this happens, talking with your therapist or mental health professional is a good idea. They can help you figure out what your body is trying to tell you and how to respond in a way that’s safe and helpful. 

What realistic mental health “goals” actually look like

When I say “mental health goals,” I’m not talking about the shiny, dramatic stuff (like “never feel stressed ”again”—please don't add this to your list). I’m talking about the small, practical, and unglamorous things that help you feel steadier. Stuff that won’t make you feel like a failure the minute life gets messy.

• Checking in with your body once a day. Notice and name.

• Try this quick “5-4-3-2-1” grounding exercise when you feel overwhelmed: 5 things you see, 4 things you touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste.

• Rest. Really rest. Without having to earn it or work for it.

• Take 5 deep breaths, breathing in for 3 seconds, holding your breath for 3 seconds, and exhaling for 3 seconds when you feel anxious.

• Speak to yourself as you would to someone you care about when that negative self-talk creeps up.

  
  

To be honest, we do not need ginormous goals to make a real difference. Small actions that you can fit into your daily life can make a big difference in the way you feel steadier and more regulated. These are the kind of goals that actually stick.

Stating the normal: you forget, fall off, or change your mind. That’s part of it.

Insert cheesy inspirational quote here. Goals aren’t linear. Detours are meant to be taken. In therapy, we take them all the time! Your body is going to give you signals for what works for you and what doesn’t. Feeling increased irritability, fatigue, or exhaustion may be a sign something needs adjusting. On the other coin, when you feel more at peace, even if it is brief, it probably means something is working.  When the “why” thoughts appear, try asking yourself these questions instead:

• How does this actually help me right now? How do I know if it is helpful or not?

• What feels obtainable at this moment?

• What is my body capable of today?

The plane lands here

Setting mental health goals isn’t about fixing yourself. It’s about listening to yourself.

You don’t have to do this perfectly. You don’t have to figure it all out this month. Mental health is not meant to be a race, and you are not behind. If all you do today is notice how you’re feeling and respond with a little more kindness, you’re off to a great start! 

Need some support in your mental health goals? Schedule now!

Emily Greasamar, LCSW

Emily helps clients navigate the things blocking them from a purposeful life, and helps clients break down barriers to secure connections. Her person-centered approach helps couples and individuals make sense of dysfunctional behaviors and communication patterns that can turn into runaway cycles.

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References:

Neff KD, Germer CK. A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self-compassion program. J Clin Psychol. 2013 Jan;69(1):28-44. doi: 10.1002/jclp.21923. Epub 2012 Oct 15. PMID: 23070875.