Pride Month: The Power of Living Authentically

Being your full true self isn’t a destination.  

It’s a daily practice - and it’s one of the most courageous things a person can do!

Somewhere along the way, so many of us receive a quiet but powerful message: shrink, don’t be too big. Be a little less loud, a little less you — and life will go much more smoothly. For so many members of the LGBTQIA+ community, that message didn't come just from strangers. It came from family while sitting at the dinner table, in school hallways from peers, and sometimes, from inside your own mind.

This Pride Month, it’s important to remember there is something that sits at the heart of good mental health and well-being: authenticity. Not the trendy social media inspired bumper-sticker version — but the real, messy, sometimes terrifying work of showing up as who you actually are.

The most exhausting thing you can do is try to be someone else for the rest of your life.

Research consistently shows that living in alignment with your true identity reduces anxiety, depression, and chronic stress. For LGBTQIA+ individuals, the stakes can feel even higher — because authenticity has often come at a cost. And yet, something remarkable happens when we stop performing and being a version of ourselves built for everyone else’s comfort.

Why authenticity is so hard — and why it matters so much

Authenticity isn't about being fearless. It's about choosing to be yourself, even when fear is present. For many queer and trans individuals, there's real risk involved — safety, family relationships, employment, and housing, to name a few, and this should never be minimized.  Living authentically has to be done on your own terms, and at a pace that feels bearable to you.  

The psychological cost of hiding is cumulative. The energy spent managing how others perceive you — monitoring your pronouns, softening your mannerisms, omitting your partner from conversation — can quietly drain you in ways that are hard to name but easy to feel. That chronic vigilance shows up as fatigue, disconnection, and a low-level grief that's hard to trace back to its source.

Small steps toward a more authentic life:

You don't have to overhaul your entire life to start living more authentically. The most meaningful shifts often begin with the smallest, most private choices — the ones you make just for yourself.

• Get honest with yourself first: 

  • Before you can show up authentically for others, you have to know who you really are — your values, desires, and the identities you may have been taught to minimize or hide. 

  • Journaling, reflection, therapy, and time in community can all allow for more insight into this.

• Find at least one space where you can exhale:  

  • This might be a therapist's office, an LGBTQIA+ community group, or a single trusted friend. 

  • We all need places — even just one — where we don't have to perform, where we can just be ourselves. These spaces aren't a luxury; they're a lifeline.

• Practice self-disclosure on your own timeline:  

  • You don't owe anyone your story before you're ready to tell it. It is yours and yours alone to share.

  • Coming out — whether it's your identity, your relationship, or your truth — is something you get to do at your own pace, in the order that feels safest for you. 

• Notice the stories you inherited:  

  • Many of us carry beliefs about what kind of person we're allowed to be — beliefs that were installed before we were old enough to question them. These stories often come from experiences we have had throughout our lives and what we have been told by those around us.

  • Therapy can help you examine which stories are actually yours, and which ones you're ready to put down and move away from.

• Mourn what hiding cost you:  

  • Living inauthentically for years — or decades — is a real loss. 

  • It's okay to grieve the time, relationships, or experiences that were shaped by suppression. This grief isn't weakness; it's part of healing and allowing yourself to begin to move forward.

On internalized shame — and what to do with it

A common struggle seen in those of us who work with  LGBTQIA+ clients isn't external rejection — it's the voice inside that has absorbed the world's judgment and now delivers it personally, on a loop. This is called internalized homophobia or transphobia, and it can persist long after a person is out, long after they've built a full and affirming life.

Healing internalized shame isn't about thinking positive thoughts. It's about slowly, repeatedly experiencing yourself as a lovable and whole human being — in therapy, in community, in relationships where you are fully seen. It is possible. It takes time. And it is absolutely worth working on for yourself.

Authenticity doesn't mean you share everything with everyone. It means what you do share is real.

A note about Pride — and why it's also personal

Pride can be a complicated season. For some, it's a joyful, communal celebration of survival and love. For others — especially those who are newly out, estranged from family, or navigating complex identity questions — it can stir up longing, grief, or a sense of not fitting anywhere quite right.

Both of those experiences are valid and important to recognize. You don't have to feel a particular way about Pride to deserve support, community, or a space to be your whole self. 

You deserve a space where you can be fully, exactly yourself - without editing, explaining, or shrinking.

Redfish Counseling is a safe, affirming space for LGBTQIA+ individuals, couples, and families. Whether you're newly exploring your identity, navigating relationships, healing from family wounds, or simply wanting a space to think out loud, we'd be honored to walk alongside you.

This Pride Month — and every month — we celebrate you. Not a polished, acceptable version of you. You. The full, complicated, luminous, amazing, resilient, real you.

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Jenny Smith, EdS, LCSW, LISW-CP, QS

Jenny currently works with adult clients (age 18+) on issues ranging from life phase adjustment and transitions, to anxiety based disorders, trauma, grief and loss, and finding new ways of coping and moving forward from past challenges and difficulties. Jenny helps clients identify the ways they want to grow in their own life, find their strengths, and work to change patterns of behavior that are no longer working for them.

Meet Jenny